dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
