5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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