the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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