I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
