i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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