i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So vagazzling was a success
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize