I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
