so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
