If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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