apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
