Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
