yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
