The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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