Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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