I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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