you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
