party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
