Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
