No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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