I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
