i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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