Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love you. Go after that dick
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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