Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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