Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
