i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
