champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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