My first STD was from a foam party
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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