Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
