I'm going to jail i love you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
