You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize