I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize