i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
