I accidentally burped into my bong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize