I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
