Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
