i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
