I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
