mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
