She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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