Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize