your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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