i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
