his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
