I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A bitchslap is in order.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
