But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
