Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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