And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
