I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
