I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
