I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
