youre lurking in front of me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize