Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
