Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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