to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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