the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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