i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
