Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
