My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
