So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
