But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
