why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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