Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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