I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
