phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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