I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
