Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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