My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
