her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Holy shit dude........stairs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
