I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
