I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this just has baby written all over it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
