bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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