i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
