WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My balls are so social today.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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