she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
