Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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