You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
