Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
