when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize