so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
