For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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